Tattoo Theology

As parents of a daughter with special needs, Bill & I try to be aware of how living with a disabled sibling affects our other children. Annie's brothers and sister are called on to assist with her care every day, and no doubt experience the same emotions as any caregiver: love, frustration, exhaustion, guilt and burn-out. As parents, we feel a responsibility to not only to care for our disabled child, but also to help our other children cope, adjust and find purpose in their new role as siblings of a disabled person.

During the first year after Annie's brain injury, we scheduled frequent breaks away with our older kids--times to decompress, ask questions, pray, and often, just cry with them. We were intentional about guiding the conversations while we ran errands, or took them out for ice cream or a bite to eat. I remember sitting in the van trying to help one of them understand that although this horrible thing just happened to their sister, God still loved them and still could be trusted. Tough conversations.

You see, the reality with severe brain injury is that the old person you knew is gone and, confusingly, their body is inhabited by a different person. So it's common to feel an overwhelming sense of loss that the old person is gone, but you don't have the closure as with the death of a loved one. So you can feel a lot of guilt, because you're thankful that they are alive, but sad that their body is now inhabited by this new stranger.

These are some of the feelings we felt, and some of the feelings our kids felt but had a hard time expressing. Fortunately, at more than two years post-injury, much of the grief has receded into the background. What has taken its place is the daily realities of caregiving and living with a medically-complex child. But every once in awhile, what is going on in the minds of one of Annie's siblings rises to the surface and catches me by surprise.

For instance, our fourth son, David, turned 18 this month, and being 18, was now legally able to get a tattoo. So he decided to get one. Now, I know what you're thinking. And I don't have any desire to write on my body either, I write on the computer. But that's just me. Anyway, this week he came home and showed us his artwork. On his left shoulder is Annie's name, and "Romans 8:38," a reference to a verse in the Bible that says, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Then he explained, "I know that no matter what happened in the past or happens in the future to Annie, God still loves us."

Now who is going to argue with that?

Jean

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39