Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012

This past Thursday marked our second Thanksgiving without Miss Annie. One of the things I'm working toward is being thankful we had Annie for almost eight years--instead of always grieving that she's no longer here. Those moments of overwhelming sadness are becoming a quiet thankfulness that she was here at all, if only for a much too short time. God knew the number of her days before she was born--that she would make a cameo appearance in the story of our family, and then be gone. And I'm seeing that more...and accepting it more.

I was thinking about that idea: that her time here with us was ordained to be brief. Odd to say that out loud. And I notice things now that somehow confirm that. For instance, a few years before Annie was born, I made personalized Christmas stockings for my six other kids with a diy canvas type material stocking I found at Joann Fabrics. And each year after she was born, I'd look for the same kind so I could make one for her. But I never found one--not online, not in any stores. So I got her a different stocking--one with a reindeer on it. And although it was cute, it never matched her sibling's stockings.

Reflexively, every Christmas I still look for that elusive match. I was wandering around in Hobby Lobby, that cavernous import-home-decor-craft-orama, where wandering around aimlessly is about all you can do without a compass or some crumbs to leave behind. But having been there more often than I will admit to on this blog, I had no trouble finding the "50% off all Christmas" aisles. And after scanning the plastic picks, sparkly ornaments, and fake wreaths, I turned the corner to see the floor to ceiling display of Christmas stockings.

Of course, my first thought was to look for a stocking for Annie that matched her brothers' and sister's. But then the immediate mental reminder: No, I don't really need to look for a stocking for Annie do I?

Oh. Right.

But Annie was here for a brief little while, wasn't she? And I am thankful for each moment we had with her.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for still writing. I think of you often and pray for you all. (Annie's picture and your blog still come on my computer screen every time I get onto the Internet.) I appreciate and understand your thankfulness; and I think I, like you, would still be looking for that illusive stocking. Mothers are like that..........yeah,
they are.

Continuing love and prayers,
Terri W

Jean said...

Thank you, Terri. I'll tell you, if I find that stocking, I'll make it and write her name on it and hang it up. In fact, I just may make a new set, just so I can make one for her too!