This past Thursday marked our second Thanksgiving without Miss Annie. One of the things I'm working toward is being thankful we had Annie for almost eight years--instead of always grieving that she's no longer here. Those moments of overwhelming sadness are becoming a quiet thankfulness that she was here at all, if only for a much too short time. God knew the number of her days before she was born--that she would make a cameo appearance in the story of our family, and then be gone. And I'm seeing that more...and accepting it more.
I was thinking about that idea: that her time here with us was ordained to be brief. Odd to say that out loud. And I notice things now that somehow confirm that. For instance, a few years before Annie was born, I made personalized Christmas stockings for my six other kids with a diy canvas type material stocking I found at Joann Fabrics. And each year after she was born, I'd look for the same kind so I could make one for her. But I never found one--not online, not in any stores. So I got her a different stocking--one with a reindeer on it. And although it was cute, it never matched her sibling's stockings.
Reflexively, every Christmas I still look for that elusive match. I was wandering around in Hobby Lobby, that cavernous import-home-decor-craft-orama, where wandering around aimlessly is about all you can do without a compass or some crumbs to leave behind. But having been there more often than I will admit to on this blog, I had no trouble finding the "50% off all Christmas" aisles. And after scanning the plastic picks, sparkly ornaments, and fake wreaths, I turned the corner to see the floor to ceiling display of Christmas stockings.
Of course, my first thought was to look for a stocking for Annie that matched her brothers' and sister's. But then the immediate mental reminder: No, I don't really need to look for a stocking for Annie do I?
Oh. Right.
But Annie was here for a brief little while, wasn't she? And I am thankful for each moment we had with her.
2 comments:
Thank you for still writing. I think of you often and pray for you all. (Annie's picture and your blog still come on my computer screen every time I get onto the Internet.) I appreciate and understand your thankfulness; and I think I, like you, would still be looking for that illusive stocking. Mothers are like that..........yeah,
they are.
Continuing love and prayers,
Terri W
Thank you, Terri. I'll tell you, if I find that stocking, I'll make it and write her name on it and hang it up. In fact, I just may make a new set, just so I can make one for her too!
XOXO
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